In Which Erma Watches Dr. Phil

"While everybody I was gone today, I watched Dr. Phil. Do you know why I was watching Dr. Phil? Because Nick Carter was on. Nick Carter, you know. So, I was watching Dr. Phil and Nick Carter. And Nick Carter was talking about his cardiomyopathy. And I was so excited, because I know what that is. It's when the heart muscle deteriorates. So then Dr. Phil tells Nick Carter to explain what cardiomyopathy is, because the audience probably doesn't know. But I knew. I'm smarter than Dr. Phil's audience. And so Nick Carter told them. But I already knew. And now he's all better, and he lost weight, and he has a new album out. (singing) I want it that way... You know what? Cardiomyopathy ain't nothin' but a heartache."