Church

More often than not, I feel incredibly lonely at church. Part of it is me - I'm not a mingly, extroverted-type person. Hospitality is not my spiritual gift. I do much better in smaller settings. Part of it is Don's schedule. He works most evenings and every other weekend, which has always made it difficult to be involved. And part of it is that I've always taught Sunday School. Teaching Sunday School is a wonderful thing, and I really think one of the most important things any of us can do is share Jesus with children. But teaching Sunday School can also be very lonely.
At our previous church, I'd teach and, regardless of how many notes went home to parents, I'd still have parents who had no clue that I taught their kids (which always baffled me - why on earth would you not make a point to know who your children spent an hour a week with? and thanking those teachers occasionally would be a nice gesture). And Don would go to the adult class alone, which he never liked because nobody ever notices the single people.
At our current church, Sunday School is held at odd times. Don teaches the adult class, which for some reason is made up of all older adults rather than our peers, and I go along as dutiful wife, thus missing out on coffee time with everyone else. I teach 5th graders, and while I love those kids, the class time is after the service, during our fellowship lunch, which means, yep, I miss out on eating and fellowshiping with everyone else.
Women's group, I go when I can (which is irregularly because Don works and I have to be available for the girls). That said, I force myself to go because of all that mingly stuff and because I think the book we're studying is watered-down fluff.

And so...when they decided to go with small groups/mini church groups next year instead of separate men's and women's groups, I was thrilled. We were a part of one once and I loved it - probably the only time I ever really felt like I belonged. A close group of people to pray with and serve with and grow with. Finally, we'd be able to get to know some of our peers better. Don and I could go together and it would meet a need both of us are struggling with.
Last night, the elders worked on splitting up the groups. And when Don came home and told me, I cried. No, we're not in a group with other parents about our age. Don will be leading the old people group.
It's not that I don't like these people. It's not that I don't think I can learn a lot from them. It's that I'm lonely. And I need to be developing friendships. And I don't know what to do other than cry.