Surrender

For a while now, I've been feeling that God is preparing me for something, like He's working certain things out in my life because He wants to use me in some particular way. And so I've been antsy. Okay, what am I supposed to do? What? Is it this? Or this? Maybe I should be doing this?
Then today, it hit me. Today I thought back to one of the earliest Bible stories I learned, and I realized what we're supposed to do when God calls our name. We are to respond "Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening." That's it. Stop bustling around trying to figure it out on my own. Just be still before Him and make myself available. He will let me know what to do when the time is right.
...Which brought me to another thought. "When the time is right" took 40 years for Moses, 20 years for Joseph, 5 years for Esther. He alone knows when we are ready.

I also found that when it came down to actually saying it, "Speak Lord, for your servant is listening" was a scary thing to say. It shouldn't be. After all, it means entrusting oneself to the almighty, loving God. It means letting Him take the wheel. Why is that so difficult? It should be comforting, reassuring. And yet I found myself in a bit of a tug of war, and my reasons for holding back make no sense at all. Why is it such a struggle?